Update:

So I've calmed down.
I'm taking it one day at a time.
I've realized this will be THE hardest thing I have ever done in my life, so I'm going to "deal with it."
I've come to accept that the 3rd floor of the library will be my home for the next couple years.
I'm not looking to get A's, I'm just looking to pass and of course LEARN/UNDERSTAND the material.
God does not give me things I can not handle.
I will be tested, I will be broken down and rebuilt, I will struggle, but I will get through.
I will look back at this and laugh! Maybe not someday soon, but eventually.
I'll be just fine...

I Wanna Go Home!!!

I just want to go home! I want to pretend this isnt happening, that "the ball isnt already rolling", and that I can still yell "STOP!" I'm not ready for pharmacy school, I'm not ready for anything. I don't see myself being a pharmacist, but then again I don't see myself being anything. I just want to go home! I don't want to be here. I don't want to be crying. I don't want to be so depressed and alone with all my thoughts. This is too much for me. I'm not prepared for this. I'm not smart enough, I haven't learned enough, I'm not emotionally strong enough, I can't do this! I want to go home! I want to go back to being at Mott; taking two classes at a time and being able to sail my way through them. Hell I want to go back to high school when I was worry-less. I want to go home! I want to be able to come back home from school and be with my mom and little brother at night. I want my mom! I want to be with my friends at Saint Marys. I want something familiar! I want someone to cry to for hours; who will make all my problems go away. I want to go home! I want to go home! I want to go home! I WANT TO GO HOME!

Is it Just Me?

I’m pretty much over summer. I crave chilly days, football games, autumn scented candles, Halloween excitement, and the crunch of leaves beneath my feet.

One is the Loneliest Number

I’ve just packed up my entire life {the most important parts of it} and moved to Ferris. No roommate, no friends, just two acquaintances I met while moving in. Some people are good on their own. They are independent and thrive in the solitude. Last Sunday my grandma said “I’m not one to ever get lonely.” I wish that part of her was passed on to me through genetics. I’m sure once the school year begins I’ll be too busy to realize I’m all by myself, and I’m sure there will be times when I’m actually happy to be all by myself, but now, sitting in a quiet apartment with all friends and family hours away I’m on the verge of tears. I want my mom sitting on the sofa beside me watching Funniest Home Videos. I want my best friend to be down the street within walking distance just in case. I don’t want to be all by myself. Of course it is the most depressing time of the week {Sunday + nighttime} that I sit here feeling sorry for myself! I told myself I was going to go for a walk after dinner, but here I sit. Too lonely to move. There are clothes that can be put away, boxes that need to be emptied, messes that need to be cleaned, but I’m secretly hoping my mom will be here tomorrow to make all of it disappear. Hell, maybe this post should be about how much I miss and love my mom! I just want her company, to know that she is here, to be able to hug her whenever I want. I wish I was at least tired. I dread having to fall asleep. I don’t want to spend my first night here alone. I don’t ever want to spend my nights here alone! I’m too depressed to make this post make sense. I want my mommmyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's Summer...

And this is my life:

Fresca=summer in a soda can

My worst fear: the librarian will start to think we are friends

As hard as I've tried I'm as freckled as ever...

To Do List

I leave for school in a couple of weeks and this is what I have left until the last minute:

-paint desk
-buy new bedding (thats right Ive bought a queen size bed AIR MATTRESS)
-finish "The Half Blood Prince" (I know once school starts Ill never find time to finish it!)
-finally get around to having a "Friday Night Lights" marathon (I found the season box sets at my library and can check them out for FREE!)
-find library card (vital for above list item)
-get back to a proper sleep schedule
-exercise early every morning
-update ipod (the last time I downloaded a song was back in February!)
-buy books for school (already bought two for under $50)
-pack up everything to take to school: clothes, housewares, etc.

I'm sure this list will grow as time dwindles down, as I am a professional procrastinator. Come to think of it, I guess this could all wait until tomorrow...

If I Had To...

...But of course I never would ; )