An Overview of Sorts

Looking Back: Yes, it was torture. Yes, it was traumatic. Yes, it was difficult and yes I cried. A lot. My best friend was caffeine and after a long day the only thing my mind could handle was reruns of the Kardashians. I was exhausted by 11:30 every night. I was exhausted every morning at 6am. Oh, and guess what, I was exhausted in between too! I should have made more friends from the start because it was too lonely. I should have stuck to study/homework schedules and I should have used my agenda book more. I'm pretty sure I experienced two legit panic attacks while studying and most days my eyes were permanently swollen from too many tears. I discovered the power of repetition on a white board and the necessity of monster energy drinks. I was too tired most nights to shower and once cold weather required I wear long pants everyday, I gave up on shaving my legs. I became superstitious during tests, always having to chew the same gum, sit on the same side of the lecture hall, and use the same pencil. I wore a charm bracelet with charms of every religion, just to make sure all the bases were covered. I was willing to accept any help or guidance I could get.
Looking ahead: I need to start off on the right foot and then stay on that "right foot" for as long as I can. Study guides as you go will pay off in the end. Restock coffee supply often. Allow absolutely no chocolate or candy into the apartment because I will eventually devour everything in sight due to stress. That reminds me, look into becoming someone who loses weight while under stress... I'll have to call mom more often, and she will need to check in on me too! I should buy a plant. If it thrives, I know I'm not studying enough. If it dies, I'm doing well. Go to the rec center more. Find more funny people to hang around. Keep a cleaner room. Clear room, clear mind. Get a "fresher start" each morning. Have a more peaceful bedtime. Find a hobby. Take a weekend off to visit Maggie.

Big Deal = Small Waist

I could not be more pleased with myself lately. Even tho I have not been losing weight at the pace I had been, at least I am not gaining. Most importantly, even tho the number on the scale has not changed, the size of my pants have! This week was the easiest time I have ever had finding clothes. Almost too easy, and bordering on problematic if I continue to get excited about everything I can fit into now. I bought my first pair of skinny jeans, but the more important "first" was that I liked how I felt and looked in them! Im now thankful for the clearance rack at JCPenny and Goodwill for practically doubling my wardrobe in the past 3 days.
I have two major tests this tuesday so, although its a struggle- I will remain positive. I guess that just means I'll have to wear those sassy skinny jeans everyday until then!

and November 10th, 2011 will go down in history as...

The First Time I Tried Starbucks! That alone is very exciting to me, even though it didn't live up to what I had imagined. I ordered a soy latte, gave a cool fake name, and got one of those cute green stirr-sticks that doubles as a stopper! The dissapointing part was the $3 dollars and change I spent on it- only to find out I don't like soy lattes! I'm much happier with my instant coffee and my flavored non-dairy creamer. I still would really like to try a plain coffee and experiement with the different flavored syrups, but it might be a while before I can convince myself it is worth the money. This leads me to what I'm thankful for today!
I'm thankful that I'm not one of those people who NEEDS a Starbucks in their hand inorder to feel important. (Could you imagine how expensive that character flaw would end up costing you!) This, I feel, has a lot to do with how I was raised, therefore I'm thankful I was raised the way I was!
I'm also thankful for Laura, the girl who sits next to me in class who always offers me a couple of her pretzels when she takes them out of her backpack for a snack. Many food headaches have been avoided because of her kindness, especially today since I completely forgot to eat lunch before class. Did I mention they are the butter braided type of pretzels? I guess Im also thankful that she has good taste in salty snacks!

Can I Get An Amen

For some reason, this always happens(I have countless unfinished journals to prove it!) I start a journal/diary/and in this case-a blog with the best of intentions; planning to frequent them often with my thoughts, feelings, and epic moments (because I have so many of them...) but I never seem to follow through. It probably says something about my character and I can only imagine what that is, yet here I am again- willing to give it another shot! I've been bummed/blue/down-in-the-dumps lately so I decided that perhaps I should start recognizing everything thats going right in my life and everything I have to be thankful for. (Original, I know.) I'll do my best to be thankful for something each and everyday and this is where I will keep track of it all. It may be something small, fairly basic, or it may even be materialistic, but at least I'll be recognizing the positivity it brings to my days. No judging! Deal? Deal.

Some quick things off the top of my head I was thankful for/made me smile recently:
-The mormons that came knocking on my door the other day. Now I'm not mormon, but to see two handsome, young, virgins giving up their time and risking embarrassment and not to mention the cold rain- just to see if I wanted to talk about "how wonderful Jesus Christ is" to quote them exactly was sweet.
-Coffee. enough said.
-Day light savings time this past Sunday. Im not sure that I got the full benefit of that extra hour (simply becacuse I didn't get to spend it sleeping) but I'm happy it was there!

Update:

So I've calmed down.
I'm taking it one day at a time.
I've realized this will be THE hardest thing I have ever done in my life, so I'm going to "deal with it."
I've come to accept that the 3rd floor of the library will be my home for the next couple years.
I'm not looking to get A's, I'm just looking to pass and of course LEARN/UNDERSTAND the material.
God does not give me things I can not handle.
I will be tested, I will be broken down and rebuilt, I will struggle, but I will get through.
I will look back at this and laugh! Maybe not someday soon, but eventually.
I'll be just fine...

I Wanna Go Home!!!

I just want to go home! I want to pretend this isnt happening, that "the ball isnt already rolling", and that I can still yell "STOP!" I'm not ready for pharmacy school, I'm not ready for anything. I don't see myself being a pharmacist, but then again I don't see myself being anything. I just want to go home! I don't want to be here. I don't want to be crying. I don't want to be so depressed and alone with all my thoughts. This is too much for me. I'm not prepared for this. I'm not smart enough, I haven't learned enough, I'm not emotionally strong enough, I can't do this! I want to go home! I want to go back to being at Mott; taking two classes at a time and being able to sail my way through them. Hell I want to go back to high school when I was worry-less. I want to go home! I want to be able to come back home from school and be with my mom and little brother at night. I want my mom! I want to be with my friends at Saint Marys. I want something familiar! I want someone to cry to for hours; who will make all my problems go away. I want to go home! I want to go home! I want to go home! I WANT TO GO HOME!

Is it Just Me?

I’m pretty much over summer. I crave chilly days, football games, autumn scented candles, Halloween excitement, and the crunch of leaves beneath my feet.

One is the Loneliest Number

I’ve just packed up my entire life {the most important parts of it} and moved to Ferris. No roommate, no friends, just two acquaintances I met while moving in. Some people are good on their own. They are independent and thrive in the solitude. Last Sunday my grandma said “I’m not one to ever get lonely.” I wish that part of her was passed on to me through genetics. I’m sure once the school year begins I’ll be too busy to realize I’m all by myself, and I’m sure there will be times when I’m actually happy to be all by myself, but now, sitting in a quiet apartment with all friends and family hours away I’m on the verge of tears. I want my mom sitting on the sofa beside me watching Funniest Home Videos. I want my best friend to be down the street within walking distance just in case. I don’t want to be all by myself. Of course it is the most depressing time of the week {Sunday + nighttime} that I sit here feeling sorry for myself! I told myself I was going to go for a walk after dinner, but here I sit. Too lonely to move. There are clothes that can be put away, boxes that need to be emptied, messes that need to be cleaned, but I’m secretly hoping my mom will be here tomorrow to make all of it disappear. Hell, maybe this post should be about how much I miss and love my mom! I just want her company, to know that she is here, to be able to hug her whenever I want. I wish I was at least tired. I dread having to fall asleep. I don’t want to spend my first night here alone. I don’t ever want to spend my nights here alone! I’m too depressed to make this post make sense. I want my mommmyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's Summer...

And this is my life:

Fresca=summer in a soda can

My worst fear: the librarian will start to think we are friends

As hard as I've tried I'm as freckled as ever...

To Do List

I leave for school in a couple of weeks and this is what I have left until the last minute:

-paint desk
-buy new bedding (thats right Ive bought a queen size bed AIR MATTRESS)
-finish "The Half Blood Prince" (I know once school starts Ill never find time to finish it!)
-finally get around to having a "Friday Night Lights" marathon (I found the season box sets at my library and can check them out for FREE!)
-find library card (vital for above list item)
-get back to a proper sleep schedule
-exercise early every morning
-update ipod (the last time I downloaded a song was back in February!)
-buy books for school (already bought two for under $50)
-pack up everything to take to school: clothes, housewares, etc.

I'm sure this list will grow as time dwindles down, as I am a professional procrastinator. Come to think of it, I guess this could all wait until tomorrow...

If I Had To...

...But of course I never would ; )

From A to Z

Age: 21
Bed size: twin : (
Chore you hate: sweeping
Dogs: i'd like one!
Essential start to your day: vitamins
Favorite color: purple
Gold or silver: both.
Height: 5'10"
Instruments: i wish!
Job title: pharmacy student
Kids: yes, please
Live: michigan
Moms name: catherine mary
Nickname: Katie, Kate
Overnight hospital stays: none. knock on wood.
Pet peeve: bad grammar, loud gum chewing, wasting time
Quote from a movie: "how 'bout that ride in? i guess that's why they call it 'sin city'"
Right or left handed: right
Siblings: older: danny younger: brendan
Time you wake up: "morning" (it changes everyday)
Underwear: ...is a must
Vegetables you dislike: lima beans
What makes you run late: the desire to sleep in or finish watching the final minutes of ncis
X-rays you've had done: teeth, ankle
Yummy food you make: i was a pastry chef in a past life
Zoo animal: penguin

Wish List

Not a day goes by where I don’t find myself admiring something and thinking “I want that!” Normally, a person might feel guilty about this but since I never act on the thought I’m not too ashamed. I just store it all away in a little file in the back of my mind rightfully labeled “wish list”. A few things added there recently:

Sparkle converse
I saw these at TJMaxx the other day for $24 and I passed them up. Not sure why…

Earrings
I love these for their uniqueness but a part of me (the imaginary pro crafter) thinks I could make a pair myself and be just as satisfied
Found Here

Smores
Yes please! I haven’t had one all summer long and probably won’t. Future wish list item: a smore scented candle!

Country fresh
I stole a few spritz of this scent from my best friends stash of lotions under her bathroom sink while she was in the shower (my job is to gossip with her while sitting on the toilet lid) and I loved the summery scent! Whenever I think of stopping into the store and buying it I have to repeat the mantra “I have too much lotion as it is! I will never use all the lotions I have! I don’t need more! I smell just fine!”
Found Here

Let's Be Friends, Best Friends

http://bexastylediary.blogspot.com/

I LOVE this blog! I've heard people be described as fun and bubbly but never witnessed it until now. She is so positive and, well, happy that I literally smile through each "Thursday Latelies". As Teresa from "Houswives" would say "I love, love, love it!"

Part of the Reason Why I Love Golf

Thrifty Girl

I've never wanted to go into a thrift store in the past. In a way, I felt I was steeling from those who could not afford what I could; stealing from those who could only afford to spend $2 on a blouse. Not to mention, I was afraid of picking up lice or another creepy crawly from the clothes. {I'm just saying its completely possible that a contaminated sweater is donated and put on the racks with everything else!!} That feeling has completely left me now. After scanning through a bunch of fashion blogs, I actually yearn to go to the local Goodwill and search through their racks for a great find. Treasure-hunting if you will. After class today I stopped by a store and found a neat tote bag. I really don't need another tote bag, but this was a cute blue and white nautical striped bag, too cute to pass up. Especially since it was only $1!{I only wish I could find my camera to post a picture of it to prove my point!}I also picked up two new, never been worn, blouses. Since I've been losing weight I don't want to spend a fortune on a new wardrobe every time I go down a size.
Here's to more great finds in the future!

Ring-a-Ding

I could never stomach the thought of spending money on a ring to remind me of school. I’ve got a permanent callus on my finger from holding a pencil for that. But when mom found the ring on Ebay we couldn't resist! I decided to cave and buy my college class ring (for half the normal price), not to remind me of the school, but instead to remind me of the great friends I met there. A good polish and it'll be perfect! It’s no traveling pair of pants, but I think it will do just fine.

Zzzzz....

On my long list of things I love, napping has claimed the #1 spot. However, there are some things about naps that I don’t understand. Like how can someone (mostly old men) nap in chairs? Uncomfortable-waiting room-armless chairs! Its not a nap to me unless you are comfortable and preferably lying down. I also don’t consider it a nap if it has a time limit. Once I’ve decided I can only afford 20 minutes for some shuteye, it takes me 20 minutes to tire of wondering how many minutes I have left. Now that I think about it, I’m a little tired….

Don't Act Like You Haven't Thought About It

No matter what a girl tells you, they have ALL thought about what their wedding will one day be like. The level to which we choose to obsess about it, is what separates us. It was only after coming across this blog {http://like.allmyfaves.com/like/site/name/stylemepretty.com} that I decided I'd waste all Sunday thinking about it.

The Dress:

Bridesmaids (wear whatever you'd like):

What kind of party would it be without a tub of beer?

The love will be blinding!

Before I Die

I change my list constantly and although it should be a list of my wildest hopes and dreams I often find myself editing the list down to what I feel is reasonable. For now I'll just worry about these few...

(In no particular order.)

-Run A Marathon

-See an Opera

-Dye my Hair -Red! and wasn't as cool as I imagined...

-Become Royalty -Miss Hibernia 2011 (tiara and all)

-Cook Thanksgiving

-Knit Something

-Eat a Fried Green Tomato

-Ride a Canoe

-Be In A Parade -Not everyone can be a Ferris Bueller

-See a Broadway Play

-Shoot a Gun (preferably not at a person)

-Receive Flowers

-See the Northern Lights

-Milk a Cow

-Visit Stone Hendge

-Ride a Double Decker Bus

-Graduate Pharmacy School

-Kiss the Blarney Stone

-Ride a Horse

-Plant a Garden

-Surf

-Pet/Ride an Elephant

-Own a Dog

-Trademark/Perfect a Recipe

-Take a Road Trip

-Attend the Olympics (as a spectator- lets be realistic)

-Hit a Hole in One

-Learn to Dive (can't cannonball forever)

-Sky Dive

-Take a Tap Dance Class

-See the Pyramids

-Travel to New Zealand/Ireland

-Snowboard

-Ride a Hot Air Balloon

-Be Front Row at a Concert (Tim McGraw Please!)

Living Large

This is my idea of a dream home! Is it weird that I tend to rate my "dream house(s)" by the porch? This one will do just fine.

Nail It

One day I will either have enough time or enough money to frivolously waste either on this. I decided a long time ago that I would never waste money on a manicure. HOWEVER, if I happen to find my wallet a bit full or my schedule a bit barren I might reconsider.

http://thebeautydepartment.com/2011/06/pockets-full-of-posies/

Huggs & Kisses

Chocolate, for me, is a rare commodity- even though I crave it 24/7. Despite those cravings, there is some chocolate even I won’t eat. These Kisses have remained untouched for months! Five people walk buy this candy jar every day and yet it tempts no one. Confession: The only reason they haven’t been thrown out is because they are a constant reminder of my unwavering willpower-even tho it’s not taking much out of me to abstain.

Another First

First: blog post
Not a First: feeling like a fool

I would say "Welcome", but Im not sure there will be anyone to greet. So for now, this blog will be for me - a snap shot journal if you will. (And of course "you" will, because "you" dont exist yet!)